I realise I'm very scared of losing -

I'm afraid good things that come my way may not last,
good things that happen to me are not deserving of me,
and so I'm afraid of losing them,
and I get scared even when my name is printed in black ink on the letter,
I'm so afraid it's a typo, because I feel undeserving of it,
is it me?

I really do not know why they gave the scholarship to me; I think they pity me.

But good things that have come my way so far are the tests in which I know how to do them, at least I think better than other people, whom have commented on the difficulty of it - but I'm afraid my test results will turn out like SPM, in which I thought it'd be alright, but the grades came out like crap? So, I don't know, I really do not dare get my hopes too high, for I fear I will jinx it somehow.

The interview went very well too. The interview for my internship - I chose Taipei for my first choice, since that one the pay is the best! And got people go with me~ No, sally I didn't choose pacific place coz there only got one placement and my mom disallows me to go by myself, unless of course I get to stay with you. LOL. But, don't feel pressured by this larh, just saying only~~ lol.

Yeah, well, recently I keep talking of going to Taipei like it's already set, like I have already gotten it. And it really scares me, because I was never one to count her eggs before they hatched. And it scares me to see the person I have become, too many successes in life huh? It's just a recent spate of good things happening all too quickly, they seem surreal and not mine to keep, if you get what I mean? I'd rather my good things came slowly...even if I had recently faced several setbacks and tough times, and perhaps it's god's way of "repaying" me for my perseverance, but I just can't help feel insecure...and it raises my doubts.

See as soon as I typed that sentence I got a call about a conflict for me to resolve. While it's nothing I cannot resolve, it's still a problem with my cca. It's not that I am unable to handle, manage and do stuff within it, but it has many restrictions...it leads me to doubt, why Mr Thomas even bothered in the first place. If he did not wish me to take over, then he should not have even allowed me to, and he should have closed the club instead. I am not incapable, but I guess I have to prove to him that I can do even MORE even with his restrictions. But if you have compared last year and this, I have done more as a president, than any of the other 2 presidents I have seen thus far, and all I can say is, well, it's not my call, after all I guess I was not voted up to the position, but nevertheless: mei you kong lao, ye you ku lao. So, yeaps, I would really like to go and thrash things out with Mr Thomas, but judging by his character, I know that will never work out, I will simply fall out with him and there it goes, I will end up resigning. The fact is, I do not mind resigning, I do not mind falling out with him, I do not mind NOT getting my testimonial from him, I really cannot care less for these things with him. It's simply the fact that I'm not recognised and I'm an efficient person, but once things go through him, it slows down and screws up. Gosh, sometimes I wish he was more aligned with me. Or maybe I should align myself with him and give him at least TWO weeks buffer time in future. But oh wells, it proves to be a greater challenge. And, what has often been said; what does not kill you, makes you stronger. I'm going to show him I can be even more capable with all the restrictions he has set, I'm going to give it to him. We're going to have a project of scale that will put NYAA Chapter on the map of NP. THAT, I will show him.

- I think. If I had enough time~~ =S RAWR. But I know I have at least attained some portions of my kpi, I managed to get people to a PAYING event, and many to sign up for the gold award. I don't think I have done too badly thus far, and I'm pleased. =) Okay, time to work harder! JIAYOU JASMINE! =D JIAYOU JIAYOU JIAYOU!!!

I realise I'm very scared of losing -

I'm afraid good things that come my way may not last,
good things that happen to me are not deserving of me,
and so I'm afraid of losing them,
and I get scared even when my name is printed in black ink on the letter,
I'm so afraid it's a typo, because I feel undeserving of it,
is it me?

I really do not know why they gave the scholarship to me; I think they pity me.

But good things that have come my way so far are the tests in which I know how to do them, at least I think better than other people, whom have commented on the difficulty of it - but I'm afraid my test results will turn out like SPM, in which I thought it'd be alright, but the grades came out like crap? So, I don't know, I really do not dare get my hopes too high, for I fear I will jinx it somehow.

The interview went very well too. The interview for my internship - I chose Taipei for my first choice, since that one the pay is the best! And got people go with me~ No, sally I didn't choose pacific place coz there only got one placement and my mom disallows me to go by myself, unless of course I get to stay with you. LOL. But, don't feel pressured by this larh, just saying only~~ lol.

Yeah, well, recently I keep talking of going to Taipei like it's already set, like I have already gotten it. And it really scares me, because I was never one to count her eggs before they hatched. And it scares me to see the person I have become, too many successes in life huh? It's just a recent spate of good things happening all too quickly, they seem surreal and not mine to keep, if you get what I mean? I'd rather my good things came slowly...even if I had recently faced several setbacks and tough times, and perhaps it's god's way of "repaying" me for my perseverance, but I just can't help feel insecure...and it raises my doubts.

See as soon as I typed that sentence I got a call about a conflict for me to resolve. While it's nothing I cannot resolve, it's still a problem with my cca. It's not that I am unable to handle, manage and do stuff within it, but it has many restrictions...it leads me to doubt, why Mr Thomas even bothered in the first place. If he did not wish me to take over, then he should not have even allowed me to, and he should have closed the club instead. I am not incapable, but I guess I have to prove to him that I can do even MORE even with his restrictions. But if you have compared last year and this, I have done more as a president, than any of the other 2 presidents I have seen thus far, and all I can say is, well, it's not my call, after all I guess I was not voted up to the position, but nevertheless: mei you kong lao, ye you ku lao. So, yeaps, I would really like to go and thrash things out with Mr Thomas, but judging by his character, I know that will never work out, I will simply fall out with him and there it goes, I will end up resigning. The fact is, I do not mind resigning, I do not mind falling out with him, I do not mind NOT getting my testimonial from him, I really cannot care less for these things with him. It's simply the fact that I'm not recognised and I'm an efficient person, but once things go through him, it slows down and screws up. Gosh, sometimes I wish he was more aligned with me. Or maybe I should align myself with him and give him at least TWO weeks buffer time in future. But oh wells, it proves to be a greater challenge. And, what has often been said; what does not kill you, makes you stronger. I'm going to show him I can be even more capable with all the restrictions he has set, I'm going to give it to him. We're going to have a project of scale that will put NYAA Chapter on the map of NP. THAT, I will show him.

- I think. If I had enough time~~ =S RAWR. But I know I have at least attained some portions of my kpi, I managed to get people to a PAYING event, and many to sign up for the gold award. I don't think I have done too badly thus far, and I'm pleased. =) Okay, time to work harder! JIAYOU JASMINE! =D JIAYOU JIAYOU JIAYOU!!!